As I was in the messiest of relationships God showed me afterwards where I was blinded and could not see. And then I began to find out that many others didn't see it how they should, at least not in the most important time- the time when they needed to leave.
When we're young we tend to sit in relationships thinking we need to continue being the someone we really shouldn't be with and it shields us from prospering to where God needs us to go.
When you just don't like them anymore. This is one of the ones I struggled with the most which is why it's at the top of the list. It seemed so selfish, so heartless at the time. My thoughts were "I mean he's done nothing too terrible, I would be such a horrible person to just up and go after so long." But it was actually the most heart-less thing I could've done by staying. By staying when you're not in love anymore you not only hurt yourself from moving forward but you also hold back the one you need to say good-bye to.
When you feel yourself moving on. There was this brief period I went through when I wanted absolute freedom, I wanted to hang out with my friends and not worry about anything. I wanted to flirt and dress cute for attention I shouldn't have needed or wanted. But I did want those things and that's when I was already moving on. I was already setting forward on the path of leaving him behind unexpectedly and without notice. Which made me the bad guy.
When you're not on the same maturity level. I get asked ALL the time "why do young girls always want to get married but then end up calling off the engagement (or worse, the marriage) because they want to "live free" again?" Time and time again I have contemplated this and it's a multitude of reasons. The first being mentioned above - they have already moved on - and secondly they just aren't mature enough. Don't be so immature to not leave.
When they're abusive. Trust me by knowledge of first hand, it does not stop with a little verbal devaluing. It continues and consumes them and they consume you with it. It starts out with a simple crippling phrase followed by tears and meaningless apologies and grows into a rapid and common verbal assault and can even leave you physically hurt. But YOU ARE WORTH IT and you don't have to go through it anymore. Leave.
When you can't see a future with them. It's a sign when you have to try so hard to think of a happy life with them. When you look to the future and you can't find a place for them and you really don't want to.
When you dread spending time with them. When you stop desiring to spend as much time with them as possible you begin to drift away. It's a sure sign of drifting apart and falling out of love. Things should always be vibrant and happy in your relationship, not dreadful.
When you're uncomfortable. It's supposed to be really easy to be comfortable around the one you love so when you begin to feel out of place and always feel that awkward silence creeping up, it may be your time to pack up.
When it stops being fun. Relationships are hard and I don't want you to think they're not but relationships are also a ton of fun. You begin to be each others best friend and everything you do can be laughable. But when the smiles and giggles stop, there's something wrong.
When they stop being supportive. When we love someone, our hobbies become their hobbies and vice-versa, even if we have no interest in them at all, we still go and support them through it all. It's part of our nature. But when they (or us) stop wanting to supporting you it's time to cut the knot.
When they stop caring. This one is so hard to miss because it's hidden in the little things they do. They slowly begin to tread away from you but keep tied around their little finger. They being to say things like "I don't really care if we don't see each other this week, it's not going to kill us to be apart" or "you don't really deserve that (insert really nice thing you want in the future), I do." They stop wanting to show you love, they stop wanting to be there for you when you're sick or hurt, they stop caring why you're upset, and they stop fighting for you.
The importance out of all of this is that you understand when you need to leave. It's important to your health and mentality to know when to leave. And not only for yourself should you move on, but to also give the person you're with the chance to move on and be happy. Chances are when you're miserable, they are too but are like you and are afraid to leave. Staying only holds the both of you back from moving forward and getting on with your life and finding true love.
The Bible says he created for man a helper, one that would eventually join with him to make one. You cannot be a helper when you're half-way moved on, you cannot be one when the other one is treating you as undeserving, you cannot be a helper when you don't like who you're helping, you cannot be one with someone who makes you uncomfortable.
It's okay to leave, it's okay to move on when you feel it's necessary. The important one is you until you become one, and until then be making sure you want to be ONE with the person you're with. We're young and allowed to change our mind. Be happy, be holy-hearted, and be in love.
As always just for you,
M.
P.S. As always my email is always open (found in the Contact page). Anything you desire to discuss or need help with is my pleasure to guide you in the right direction with. That's what I'm here for. My greatest wishes.